he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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