Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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