im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
