Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
