I met the friendliest cop last night
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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