Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
