all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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