I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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