i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
pray to the hookup gods
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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