Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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