I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
