My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize