No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Hippo gnu deer
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
