i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
