Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Me too!
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
