she woke up with a sticky ear
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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