So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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