Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Your cock deserves a montage
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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