I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize