he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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