peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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