We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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