Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
