I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
