the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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