Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize