You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
