benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
