I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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