It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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