I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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