so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
