In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
