pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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