I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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