and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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