Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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