Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
