I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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