My room smells like vodka and shame
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
