I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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