meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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