the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
