I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
