5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
