Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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