i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
