i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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