She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
she told me i tasted like america
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
