I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
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