just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
