I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
