ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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