you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
