checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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