I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
