I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
