Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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