so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
everyone is single if you try hard enough
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
