you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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