i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Randomize
