I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
