if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
