OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize