I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
