checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
