If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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