I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
where am i from again
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
