i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
