I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
