Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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