Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I just saw a hot homeless man
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
