It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize