I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
