She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
