I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
