Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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