Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
