Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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