Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
