never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
