You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
