I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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