My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
