Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
