nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
