my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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