so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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