While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize