I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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