Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Randomize
