If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
They should really pass out barf bags in church
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
