yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
