yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
he fucked my hip out of place.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
