Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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