Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize