I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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