Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
