You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
